Am I crazy? - Depression lonely alone

Post 320824 by Deal deleted for the following reason: Hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through all this, but this kind of "here's everything" approach doesn't work on AskMetafilter, which is meant for smaller focused concrete questions. This really sounds like something where in-person and longer-term help is what's needed. The There Is Help page has a listing of crisis hotlines (including for texting or online chat) that may be able to help too. -- LobsterMitten