Post 330229 by diffuse deleted for the following reason: Heya, I'm very sorry you're struggling with this. I think there's a rewritten version of this that could work for Ask, and I'd be fine with sorting that out with you over email, but we aren't equipped to deal with questions specifically about suicidal ideation or contemplating that kind of action. If you're in a crisis situation right now, you can check the resources on the There Is Help wiki page, and/or reach out to us at the contact form. -- cortex