Post 307187 by WillIBeSaved deleted for the following reason: Hey there, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this -- you can get through this. AskMetafilter doesn't allow questions about suicide, but the community has assembled a list of hotlines and chatlines here -- if you're in crisis at this moment, please reach out directly, to a hotline, chatline, to a friend, or you can reach the Mefi moderators at the contact form. -- LobsterMitten