Post 334752 by adelaide deleted for the following reason: I'm very sorry you're dealing with this and that stuff is so hard. This isn't something Ask MetaFilter is equipped to handle as written here, but there's a list of crisis resources here if you need to talk with someone trained for this kind of conversation. You can also reach out to the mod team at the contact form if you need some further help or if you want to talk about finding a way to talk about some of this stuff on Ask in a way that would be workable. -- cortex